Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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