chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
