I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
