A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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