Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
