Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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