my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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