McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
