Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
