It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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