I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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