It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
