This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
