Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You have to summon your inner elephant
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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