There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
