my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
