forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
