Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
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Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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