Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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