I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
