It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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