Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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