DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I am midnight drunk by noon
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
