you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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