just come out here and I will go home with you...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize