Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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