Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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