just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
