I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
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after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
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The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.