i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
