i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.