then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize