can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
they need to just BURY HIM!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
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you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.