There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
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at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
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No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.