I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar