I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
