It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
