So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
