i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother