Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
