Don't you send me to vm
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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