Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize