babies were throwing up all over the place
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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