She's JV to your varsity
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
