If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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