Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
