I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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