You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
