I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
