I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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