he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Did I show you my penis last night?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
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I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
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Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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