It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
