do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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