The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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