Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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