Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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