Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
do nipples grow back?
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