Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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