Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish i was in the wii world.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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