he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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