She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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