Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
