An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
