I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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