My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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