I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
