My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't deserve a penis
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
