I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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