I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
