I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
